Setia

takkan pernah aku melupa
takkan pernah aku berhenti mencinta
biarlah masa menentu segala
kerna kau telah kembali membuka hati
untuk aku kembali mencinta

biarpun aku bukan yg sempurna untukmu
aku pasti aku ikhlas mencintamu
walau apapun yang kau perlaku
takkan aku pernah berhenti setia menanti cintamu

aku sedar tindakanku bodoh
mengharap cinta darimu yang xkan pernah kembali mencintaku
masa penentu segala
penantian itu pedih
aku pasti berbaloi aku menantimu
dengan kesetiaan yg takkan berbelah bagi

masa terlalu berharga buatku
mungkin sampai masanya kau bisa menerimaku
aku tidak akan lagi ada di sisimu
kerna Dia telah dulu memanggilku
jangan ko sesali bila tiba saat itu
kerna akanku bawa cintaku bersamamu
kaulah insan terakhir yang aku cinta
tiada dua tiada tiga

Chairel Nairul
02/12/2011
2006hrs

Koleksi Terakhir - intro

Sayup takbir malam raya berlagu dari luar tingkap bilik wad Zam. Sejak seminggu dia sudah menyinggah di Pusat Perubatan Subang Jaya tanpa ditemani sesiapa.

            “Adakah ini raya terakhirku?” tanya Zam pada dirinya.

Dalam dia termangu memikirkan dirinya, terdengar pintu bilik diketuk. Perlahan daun pintu terkuak dan muncul  wajah yang sering dirindukan.

            “Asu, kami dah sampai! Mama ada bekalkan rendang ayam, ketupat palas, nasi himpit dengan kuah kacang kegemaran Asu. Sama macam arwah selalu masak dulu. Asu makan tau!” Kata Iwan, anak buah yang paling rapat dengan Zam.

            “Buat apa la korang susah-susah bawak semua ni. Bukan Asu boleh makan pun. Kan dah sudah tertulis kat katil Asu ni yang Asu kena puasa sebelum menjalani rawatan petang nanti,” jawabnya lemah.

            “Ala Asu, jamah la sikit. Nanti Iwan gi tanya jururawat yang kat luar tuh. Iwan ayat dia sikit sure dia bagi Asu makan,” balas Iwan senyum melebar. Dia tahu Iwan risaukan keadaannya tetapi dia cuba berlagak yang tiada apa yang terjadi pada dirinya.

            “Asu, Mama kirim salam. Mama pesan Asu jaga kesihatan Asu. Mak Long Sariah, Mak Long Mey dan Mama sangat risaukan. Diaorang marah sebab Asu sakit macam ni pun masih taknak bagitau diaorang,” tiba-tiba Nina bersuara, anak buah perempuan yang semakin hari semakin comel pada pandangan matanya.

            “Asu ok la. Asu kurang rehat jer ni kot. Kan Asu selalu sibuk dengan keje Asu sekarang ni,” ujarnya sekadar mahu menyedapkan hati anak buahnya itu.

Tidak sampai lima minit selepas Iwan melangkah keluar, dia masuk ke bilik wad Zam dengan muka mencuka. Dia tahu kenapa Iwan jadi macam tu. Pasti jururawat di kaunter melarangnya memberi Zam kebenaran menjamah makanan kegemarannya.

            “Asu, jururawat tu kata Asu tak boleh makan apa-apa sampai lepas abis treatment Asu petang nanti,” Iwan bersuara dengan nada kecewa. Terpapar di wajahnya riak kekecewaan dan hampa.

            “Kenapa Asu tak boleh makan semua tu abang? Kan selalu Asu masa raya tuh lah yang dia makan. Adik selalu temankan Asu makan kalau kat rumah,” soal Adik, anak buah bongsunya. Dia terlalu mentah untuk memahami apa yang sedang bapa saudaranya alami sekarang.

            “Adik, Asu sakit sebab tuh dia tak boleh nak makan sumer tuh. Adik gi duduk kat luar dengan kakak kejap ya. Abang ada benda nak bincang dengan Asu ni pasal bisnes kitaorg,” jawab Iwan dengan nada memujuk. Dengan wajah muram, adik-adiknya keluar meninggalkan mereka berdua.

            Iwan membetulkan duduknya. Kini dia duduk betul-betul di sebelah Zam. Dari matanya Zam tahu yang Iwan inginkan jawapan darinya soal penyakitnya. Tapi dia nekad selagi dia masih mampu dia takkan bebankan siapa-siapa dengan masalahnya. Biarlah dia sendiri yang menanggung semua sakitnya. Dah lama dia berperang dengan dirinya melawan penyakitnya hinggakan pernah dia ke hospital sendirian dalam keadaan lemah hanya kerana tak mahu menyusahkan adik-beradiknya. Itulah tekadnya sejak dia mengetahui yang dirinya tidak lagi sihat sepertimana orang lain.

            “Iwan, Asu nak tanya. Macamana dengan Insanity Couture? Ada masalah ke kat pejabat? Macamana dengan collection baru yang kita nak launch bulan depan? Semua dah siap ke?” soalnya pada Iwan. Dalam keadaan yang begitu, jiwanya masih di pejabat. Insanity Couture yang tertubuh kira-kira 2 tahun lalu kini semakin berkembang. Setiap kali pelancaran koleksi baru, pasti akan habis tak sampai sebulan. Permintaan semakin tinggi tapi prinsip perniagaannya, setiap koleksi hanya akan dikeluarkan 100 unit sahaja. Ternyata percaturannya menjadi. Pernah sekali salah satu rekaan Insanity Couture dijual dengan harga hampir RM 400.00 sehelai hanya kerana keunikan rekaan mereka. Pembelinya dari Singapura yang juga peminat setia rekaan mereka. Dia benar-benar bangga kerana Insanity Couture tertubuh hanya kerana niatnya ingin membantu merealisasikan impian Iwan dan juga memperbetulkan kesilapan yang pernah Iwan buat beberapa tahun lalu.

            “Soal kat pejabat Asu jangan risau. Semua dah siap tinggal tunggu masa untuk launching jer nanti. Kalau takda masalah, launching kita akan buat dekat ruang legar utama Pavillion 20 September nanti. Model sume dah ada, pasukan pereka kita pun keje siang malam nak jadikan launching ni yang paling gempak Insanity Couture pernah buat. Asu nak tau, untuk koleksi kali ni kita dah dapat pesanan dari Australia dengan UK. Semalam diaorg datang office dan discuss pasal nak jadi pengedar ekslusif jenama kita kat sana,”ujar Iwan seolah-olah memberi laporan padanya. “Tapi Asu kena janji yang Asu akan datang masa launching tu,” sambung Iwan.

Zam terdiam. Memang dia terlalu ingin bersama dengan anak-anak buahnya semasa majlis tersebut tapi adakah masa akan menyebelahi dia? Hanya itu yang bermain di fikirannya. Tanpa sedar menitis air matanya mengenangkan dia mungkin tidak dapat bersama meraikan kejayaan perusahaan yang dimulakannya sendiri. Air mata itu mengalir kerana dia bersyukur usahanya selama ini demi masa depan anak buahnya terbayar dengan kejayaan Iwan menjadi usahawan muda yang disegani malah pernah menerima Anugerah Belia Negara tahun lalu sekaligus menjadi penerima anugerah termuda dalam sejarah.

            “Asu, Iwan nak tau. Apa sebenarnya sakit Asu ni? Dari dulu lagi kita kongsi semua suka duka kita sampailah kita berjaya bina Insanity Couture menjadi jenama terkemuka tapi kenapa Asu sorokkan penyakit Asu dari Iwan? Dah lama Iwan syak yang Asu ada rahsiakan sesuatu dari kitaorang tapi Iwan tak pernah tanya. Kali ni Iwan mintak sangat-sangat Asu terus terang dengan Iwan. Tolong ya Asu…Iwan merayu dengan Asu,” Iwan bersuara lagi kali ini diiringi dengan genangan air mata. “Iwan sayangkan Asu. Atas jasa Asu lah Iwan Berjaya. Kalau tidak Iwan tak tahu apa akan jadi dengan Iwan,” kali ini dengan suara sebak yang mampu membuat sesiapa yang berada bersama mereka turut menangis.

pre and post outstation....

hye guys...

it has been almost 1 mth i havent write anything here.....to pack with work and tutoring and other thing..

kenapa aku tetiba ilang dr dunia bogging ni eh? sbb keje aku mcm gila....boss aku suka2 nak soh g sana sini ikut suka dia...she is like damn crazy woman...1st kne pergi outstation kat Kuala Lipis tp last minute cancel..dah masuk karak highway kne pusing balik. stupid rite?

then pergi bagan serai tp last minute cancel jugak..kne g cover APSH counselor plak that weekend (kononnya)...last2 smp 12 hb kne keje kat Ampang...habis sumer jadual tutoring aku berterabur...blk umah jap..trus kms brg sbb nak kne g Kuching - Sri Aman - Serian - Kuching for 12 days...12 tiring days with no rest at all...

touch down in Kuching after almost 2 hours flight, 2 cabs already waited us...+/- 200km journey waiting for us from Kuching to Sri Aman. It took us almost 4 hours to reach Sri Aman, a small town which were known as Simanggang before. Along the way I see beautiful scenery of greenery mountains...love to scenery so much...1 thing tht i can spot major difference between Peninsular Malaysia and Sarawak is no of small churches outnumbered  musollahs @ surau...when we reached Sri Aman, the 1st thing we saw was a landmark of 2 pigeons (I think it is) in the town centre..just accross our hotel. it was like cowboy town to me. nothing to do after 2000hrs. though it sounds weird, I do like Sri Aman town. I can feel the freshness of its air, silent nights...good people....our final nite in Sri Aman we went to see BENAK or KING's TIDE in Sg BAtang Lupar....though it is not as big as i saw in Majalah 3 few years back, i do feel satisfied as I stood at the bank of one of 7 rivers in the world which have that kind of natural phenomena. Already plan to come here again for Pesta Benak 2012.

here are some of the Sri Aman town pictures.......

After 4 days in Sri Aman, we continue our journey down to Serian which took us 3 hours journey. A bit bigger and hectic town than Sri Aman, our accomdation was in Ranchan Recreational Park, about 3km from Serian town. Again I was fascinated the view...damn damn damn green. love it so much just 1 tiny lil prob. the chalets are located on hill side...really steep and high...lucky i carried my 65litres backpack so climbing was easy compared to my colleagues.  the most challenging place to be with my condition......nothing much happen here except i have to sleep in the girls room (acting like security guard) coz their chalet was on the highest point of the place and a bit far from other chalets including guy's chalet....major prob in Ranchan was halal food. one 1 restaurant there and it is serving pork....so daily one of us must go the Serian town and tapau food for everyboy..yet another interesting thing happen.

that cafe was called Sri JAti and we ate there when we 1st reached Serian....the food was not bad (compared to Sri Aman;s hawker food). so every single day we tapau our food from that cafe / stall. on the 4th day of our stay in Serian, the owner came for presentation and he is not Muslim...i'm not saying that the food are dirty or what but juz have uneasy feeling wheater the chicken are properly slaughtered and other issues.... lucky when we find out about it it was our last day there. so that nite we went out in a group to find food from other stall. this time we ask the owner / worker 1st whether they are Muslim or not...

here are some of Ranchan's pix :

final 4 days was in Kuching.....hmm..nothing much to tell about this place.as i dun have much time for sightseeing...only i contacted sumone that i know to ask her to hang out but she gave millions of reasons...to hell with her then.....a day before depart back to KL, i have to rest alone in the hotel room...my disease attacked me like hell...maybe bcoz of stair climbing in Serian and 11 days of no rest .... laid down almst all days...with no medication....


post Kuching trip : 2 days am resting at home with half of my body in pain and chest pain....has been taking 4 dosages of Morphine to reduce the pain but still no effect....sigh.....tomorrow will be going to Kuala Kangsar....3 days there for work also....dunno when can i start back my classes as nex mth we'll depart to Bintulu and Miri.....for another 2 weeks....really miss my students...

though am damn busy with life i never forget her. she always with me wherever i go....my love towards her will never change a bit....juz hope that she will accept me as who I am and can accept my hectic life ....

love u syg...really love u no matter what happened before....

*tetiba jiwang plak dah...hehehhe.....so itu jer la citer aku...mmb citer sal keje jer la...xder citer lain dah....

hectic life

hye guys....

life is very very busy nowadays rushed here and there, from home to office to tutoring and home again...leave home early in the morning and arrive home again late at nite...but I do enjoy my life...don't have much time to think bout other thing than to finish my day fast and get enuff rest to start new day tomorrow...

though am damn bz now but I do have time to think bout people around me and my LOVE...can they accept me not having much time for them...hope they understand my situation...

and this life has lead me to be better than ever...relationship only based on trust and love not other things ie sexual intercourse or whatever...this will lead to better relationship for as both accept each other for who we are and not temp satisfaction again ie sexual intercourse...alhamdulillah coz He showed my the path to be good servant to Him...

no matter how bz I am but in my mind MY LOVE is always there....how shes doing....what is she doing now...hos is her study..and many2 thnigs about her...she may not knw how important she is in my life but let it be my secret. never tell her all this and she may assume i dun care bout her. i know hw she look at me..a total loser with nothing to offer accept love but am pushing myself hard to change my life...she desnt know how hard for me to do all this with my present situation till when i went for my normal follow up with my medical consultant a.k.a my BFF (hehehehehe) he scolded me coz i push myself too hard now...but i have to do what i have to do....to prove to her that am seriously in love with her....i will never giv up to win her heart though it'll take my whole life...

this weekend i suppose to go to Bagan Serai for roadshow but it was cancelled last minute...based on how my boss work...i cant be comfy yet as she might ask us go there last minute....it is a good chance for me to achieve my sales target for nex month....and later nex month will be in Kuching for almost 2 weeks...sigh...i really need to rest now but i cant...too many things to catch up till i achieve all my target before year end...

but even am stuck with my current job schedule i still continue tutoring coz my students are really really important to me...their success in my priority even they might not remember me aft this...it is my obligation to giv them the best so that they will be the best students in their school....tired? not a prob coz i really love them...i did tell some of them i might drop a few subjects but they want me to teach them no matter what...one of them told me she never got a teacher like me....alhamdulillah again He gave a natural talent to be a teacher and guide to my students...they not only refer their study prob to me but also their personal prob...alhamdulillah again i always have time to be by their side when ever they need me....

thts all for now...am too tired today.....will see u again nex time....

nite...

* to my LOVE...i will never giv up to win ur heart no matter what it takes......:)

bz...bz...bz

today was like the longest day in my life...

started my day not too early...head str8 to office and do nothing actually...no cust at all today....juz refresh what ever I need to do to present the product offered by the mgmt.....

645 pm - reached tuition centre to continue tutoring which I really enjoy it...class end at 1030pm. take time aft class to hang out with my beloved students and friends....we talked a lot about on to make the centre better from any other tuition centre......shared about students behaviour....and many more...

for me though now I have like no time for myself...but I enjoyed my life...what ever happen few months back has showed me new perspective of life....life is not about urself only...there are others that u need to consider also...and what action that u take might effect them...but again humans are now more inhuman than non human being.... selfishness is a norm....material is a must to build relationship, friendship and anything that ends with     -ship...good looks is a must also....but people always forget that smaller things and hidden things are much better to be appreciated rather than all those things that will fade away with time or can be pull back by  Allah if u misuse the nikmat that He gave to us...

appreciate people around you before they leave....and NEVER EVER regret what u have done to them if  they are not around anymore....Allah gave us life not only to think bout ourselves but also u have to consider about people in your daily life circle...u may not be able to help them financially or in material way but by giving them moral support, be by their side when they are in need, lend ur ears when they need sumone to listen, lend ur shoulder when they need a place to cry on....that they will appreciate more....and they will remember you till their last breath....

alhamdulillah...after what happen also i feel like i got super strength to continue my life though as cronic cancer patient, i can fall ill anytime...but tht will never stop me from doing things that i shld do...

nothing much to share today juz i want to remind myself and all of u....xpernah salah kalau kita pilih hidup utk jd lilin...korbankan diri utk terangi hidup org lain sbb in the end...u'll find indescribably satisfaction with ur sacrifice....

thts all folks.....have a good rest....always remember we are not born to live our life only...but for others also...cheers..!

posting kedua utk tempoh 24 jam....

tetiba plak rasa rajin nk update lagi bloh utkkali ke2 dlm ms 24 jam....mood tgh ok...idea tgh mencurah kot..tu yg ringan je jari jemari aku ni nak menekan keyboard ni...

Sekiranya nak jadi baik, kita mengambil keputusan untuk menjadi baik, maka Insyaallah, Allah swt akan hantarkan orang yang baik untuk berkawan dengan kita..

credit : Yuzi Yusof

i've been hearing peeps around me talking bout changing their life to be a better person but looking at what they are doing I dun think they will never change. Am not being judgmental but from my observation, my experience dealing with these kind of peeps...hard for them to change coz of few reasons...


1 @ i can say main reason they will never change is becoz they are still socializing with the same group of friends...dun take it wrongly, i dun mean that u have to leave ur old friends and make new friends if u want t change to be better than before...what i mean here is still be friends with them but keep ur distance coz these peeps will influence u to do things that u did before thus u will never change at all....create close relationship with those who can guide u to be better and keep ur distance from those u will drag u to be like before or even worse....once u r strong enuff to handle them, then only u can hang out with them but still keep it a certain limit....


2) its juz words...juz to comfy peeps around them....it is never comes from their heart they want to really change. nothing else i will elaborate on this matter....maybe it'll be too sensitive to certain peeps....but i believe u know what i mean....

being me, an emphatic type, i always be a place for people to talk bout their probs, stories, opinion and many more...i do enjoy it actually coz from there i can learn a lot about life and peeps around me. latest case, a fren of mine from my school years started to talk bout her personal prob to me...and...and...and when we were in school we never talk actually...but we were reconnected via social network and become quite close...can u guys imagine being in the same school for years (and the most important part..never talk to each other), separated for more than 10 years..but when we "reunited" in the social network...we shared a lot of thing togerher...and i really enjoy every moments of it...thts me...i can easily make friends with anybody...from small kids to the elderly people...love to listen to their stories...their daily schedule, their past and they even share their future plan with me...

i rather say the emphatic part of me is a gift...not only me but my siblings also have the same specialty...am proud of it bcoz not all can have this special characteristic in their selves...always there for peeps who needs my ears and shoulder to cry on...(wahh...sastera giler statement!) i really dun care even the person did hurt me before...for me being empathy is sumthing that i enjoy to do...and whatever stories they shared, when am alone esp before closing my eyes to end the day...i do some thinking...what the thing happen to them, why do they have to face that kind of things, and all sorts of question..in the end..i make a resolution that everybody will have their own life and probs along the way...and through those experiences peeps build their life....only 2 choices : being better person or being total jerk...it their choice. for me as long as they are my friend, even though they might hate me but it is my responsibility to open up their eyes and mind to see life in more positive way.....

now i remembered why am i so like enthusiast to update my  humble blog....i watched some vlog a few minutes ago...looking at the vloggers...feels like wanna try to do it also but i dun think i can..am more to writing type of person to express what i feel than doing in in physical form....hmm...i should stick to normal blog...no way to vlogging...

my novel has been pending for quite sumtime...am stuck at the part where Achik has entered the plot...damn! need to finish it fast dude....too long pending..maybe when its finish....i will not be around anymore.....

i love to write, i love to read.....thts me...ans thts how i learn a lot of things...

so long peeps...nite2...

i luv u syg.....:)

 

postponed....deleted....words.....

hye....

today I supposed to undergo a surgery to clear off things in my lung but sadly due to unstable financial condition I have to postpone the procedure...this thing has bothered me for quite sometime but am taking steps to settle the prob....though i have to work day and night to stabilize back my financial situation i don't really care coz for me i need to be better for the sake of my family, friends, students and my love....everyr this coz for me theres nothing too much for me to handle anymore nothing will be ok after all the things happened to me before...it gave me strength and courage to fight for my life...thx to all who always look down on me. what all of u did, all ur words, all ur action has changed me to even stronger person than ever....really appreciate it...and alhamdulillah Allah always test me with all kind of tests coz He know am much more stronger person than anyone normal human being could see....really grateful to everything and everyone that HELPED me to be like what I am now....

maybe for some it is a small issue but for me deleting a friend that u know personally from ur friend list in any social network is the biggest humiliation to sumone u called friend. esp after all the betrayal, lies and hurts u did to that person which he/she have right to do the same to you but he/she never did that to you. again I just writing it down juz to share human attitude nowadays....no matter what u did to me...i will never give up on u...coz I never give up on things that I want so much....so it is not the end yet but a new start of a new game......


the reason that person did that is because what I posted in my social network wall....it is juz a few word of wisdom, life quotes and inspiring words that i love to read and would like to share with all my friends....i wonder if sumone who are much younger, less educated than u urself can take it as inspiring and life changing...why cant u be the same?  i know u'll say not everybody have the same wavelength but in order to achieve perfection in life, always take the good part of others and incorporate it into u urself....that is how we learn about life.....and how we build our life... maybe to that person am juz plain normal guy with nothing to offer and to appreciate. thx for that kind judgement....coz i know I am special in my own way....am always special.......and u will never ever change that....


let me quote a token of appreciation sent by friends becoz of my wall postings....

Epal Ijau

• tauu sbb tu sy ckp klu kump semua post awk leh wat buku. somehow it really inspired me 
  
  
  thx Epal Ijau....:)
  
  

these few weeks i had great moments..enjoyed my life to almost the max even though am not as healthy as before. things happen for a reason and i take what ever happens to me as another step for me to be better person. 


life will be really hectic after this...office jobs, tutoring, time for me family, time for my students, time for my friends, and time for myself....alhamdulillah.....what ever YOU did has make me better, know my limits in making friends, and the most important of all....know how to make friends....


that all i think for now....will update again later....going to take lunch, settling my medical bill prob, and later in the afternoon will have 3 hours of tutoring....


salam sayang dari aku utk semua teman2.....