hectic life

hye guys....

life is very very busy nowadays rushed here and there, from home to office to tutoring and home again...leave home early in the morning and arrive home again late at nite...but I do enjoy my life...don't have much time to think bout other thing than to finish my day fast and get enuff rest to start new day tomorrow...

though am damn bz now but I do have time to think bout people around me and my LOVE...can they accept me not having much time for them...hope they understand my situation...

and this life has lead me to be better than ever...relationship only based on trust and love not other things ie sexual intercourse or whatever...this will lead to better relationship for as both accept each other for who we are and not temp satisfaction again ie sexual intercourse...alhamdulillah coz He showed my the path to be good servant to Him...

no matter how bz I am but in my mind MY LOVE is always there....how shes doing....what is she doing now...hos is her study..and many2 thnigs about her...she may not knw how important she is in my life but let it be my secret. never tell her all this and she may assume i dun care bout her. i know hw she look at me..a total loser with nothing to offer accept love but am pushing myself hard to change my life...she desnt know how hard for me to do all this with my present situation till when i went for my normal follow up with my medical consultant a.k.a my BFF (hehehehehe) he scolded me coz i push myself too hard now...but i have to do what i have to do....to prove to her that am seriously in love with her....i will never giv up to win her heart though it'll take my whole life...

this weekend i suppose to go to Bagan Serai for roadshow but it was cancelled last minute...based on how my boss work...i cant be comfy yet as she might ask us go there last minute....it is a good chance for me to achieve my sales target for nex month....and later nex month will be in Kuching for almost 2 weeks...sigh...i really need to rest now but i cant...too many things to catch up till i achieve all my target before year end...

but even am stuck with my current job schedule i still continue tutoring coz my students are really really important to me...their success in my priority even they might not remember me aft this...it is my obligation to giv them the best so that they will be the best students in their school....tired? not a prob coz i really love them...i did tell some of them i might drop a few subjects but they want me to teach them no matter what...one of them told me she never got a teacher like me....alhamdulillah again He gave a natural talent to be a teacher and guide to my students...they not only refer their study prob to me but also their personal prob...alhamdulillah again i always have time to be by their side when ever they need me....

thts all for now...am too tired today.....will see u again nex time....

nite...

* to my LOVE...i will never giv up to win ur heart no matter what it takes......:)

bz...bz...bz

today was like the longest day in my life...

started my day not too early...head str8 to office and do nothing actually...no cust at all today....juz refresh what ever I need to do to present the product offered by the mgmt.....

645 pm - reached tuition centre to continue tutoring which I really enjoy it...class end at 1030pm. take time aft class to hang out with my beloved students and friends....we talked a lot about on to make the centre better from any other tuition centre......shared about students behaviour....and many more...

for me though now I have like no time for myself...but I enjoyed my life...what ever happen few months back has showed me new perspective of life....life is not about urself only...there are others that u need to consider also...and what action that u take might effect them...but again humans are now more inhuman than non human being.... selfishness is a norm....material is a must to build relationship, friendship and anything that ends with     -ship...good looks is a must also....but people always forget that smaller things and hidden things are much better to be appreciated rather than all those things that will fade away with time or can be pull back by  Allah if u misuse the nikmat that He gave to us...

appreciate people around you before they leave....and NEVER EVER regret what u have done to them if  they are not around anymore....Allah gave us life not only to think bout ourselves but also u have to consider about people in your daily life circle...u may not be able to help them financially or in material way but by giving them moral support, be by their side when they are in need, lend ur ears when they need sumone to listen, lend ur shoulder when they need a place to cry on....that they will appreciate more....and they will remember you till their last breath....

alhamdulillah...after what happen also i feel like i got super strength to continue my life though as cronic cancer patient, i can fall ill anytime...but tht will never stop me from doing things that i shld do...

nothing much to share today juz i want to remind myself and all of u....xpernah salah kalau kita pilih hidup utk jd lilin...korbankan diri utk terangi hidup org lain sbb in the end...u'll find indescribably satisfaction with ur sacrifice....

thts all folks.....have a good rest....always remember we are not born to live our life only...but for others also...cheers..!

posting kedua utk tempoh 24 jam....

tetiba plak rasa rajin nk update lagi bloh utkkali ke2 dlm ms 24 jam....mood tgh ok...idea tgh mencurah kot..tu yg ringan je jari jemari aku ni nak menekan keyboard ni...

Sekiranya nak jadi baik, kita mengambil keputusan untuk menjadi baik, maka Insyaallah, Allah swt akan hantarkan orang yang baik untuk berkawan dengan kita..

credit : Yuzi Yusof

i've been hearing peeps around me talking bout changing their life to be a better person but looking at what they are doing I dun think they will never change. Am not being judgmental but from my observation, my experience dealing with these kind of peeps...hard for them to change coz of few reasons...


1 @ i can say main reason they will never change is becoz they are still socializing with the same group of friends...dun take it wrongly, i dun mean that u have to leave ur old friends and make new friends if u want t change to be better than before...what i mean here is still be friends with them but keep ur distance coz these peeps will influence u to do things that u did before thus u will never change at all....create close relationship with those who can guide u to be better and keep ur distance from those u will drag u to be like before or even worse....once u r strong enuff to handle them, then only u can hang out with them but still keep it a certain limit....


2) its juz words...juz to comfy peeps around them....it is never comes from their heart they want to really change. nothing else i will elaborate on this matter....maybe it'll be too sensitive to certain peeps....but i believe u know what i mean....

being me, an emphatic type, i always be a place for people to talk bout their probs, stories, opinion and many more...i do enjoy it actually coz from there i can learn a lot about life and peeps around me. latest case, a fren of mine from my school years started to talk bout her personal prob to me...and...and...and when we were in school we never talk actually...but we were reconnected via social network and become quite close...can u guys imagine being in the same school for years (and the most important part..never talk to each other), separated for more than 10 years..but when we "reunited" in the social network...we shared a lot of thing togerher...and i really enjoy every moments of it...thts me...i can easily make friends with anybody...from small kids to the elderly people...love to listen to their stories...their daily schedule, their past and they even share their future plan with me...

i rather say the emphatic part of me is a gift...not only me but my siblings also have the same specialty...am proud of it bcoz not all can have this special characteristic in their selves...always there for peeps who needs my ears and shoulder to cry on...(wahh...sastera giler statement!) i really dun care even the person did hurt me before...for me being empathy is sumthing that i enjoy to do...and whatever stories they shared, when am alone esp before closing my eyes to end the day...i do some thinking...what the thing happen to them, why do they have to face that kind of things, and all sorts of question..in the end..i make a resolution that everybody will have their own life and probs along the way...and through those experiences peeps build their life....only 2 choices : being better person or being total jerk...it their choice. for me as long as they are my friend, even though they might hate me but it is my responsibility to open up their eyes and mind to see life in more positive way.....

now i remembered why am i so like enthusiast to update my  humble blog....i watched some vlog a few minutes ago...looking at the vloggers...feels like wanna try to do it also but i dun think i can..am more to writing type of person to express what i feel than doing in in physical form....hmm...i should stick to normal blog...no way to vlogging...

my novel has been pending for quite sumtime...am stuck at the part where Achik has entered the plot...damn! need to finish it fast dude....too long pending..maybe when its finish....i will not be around anymore.....

i love to write, i love to read.....thts me...ans thts how i learn a lot of things...

so long peeps...nite2...

i luv u syg.....:)

 

postponed....deleted....words.....

hye....

today I supposed to undergo a surgery to clear off things in my lung but sadly due to unstable financial condition I have to postpone the procedure...this thing has bothered me for quite sometime but am taking steps to settle the prob....though i have to work day and night to stabilize back my financial situation i don't really care coz for me i need to be better for the sake of my family, friends, students and my love....everyr this coz for me theres nothing too much for me to handle anymore nothing will be ok after all the things happened to me before...it gave me strength and courage to fight for my life...thx to all who always look down on me. what all of u did, all ur words, all ur action has changed me to even stronger person than ever....really appreciate it...and alhamdulillah Allah always test me with all kind of tests coz He know am much more stronger person than anyone normal human being could see....really grateful to everything and everyone that HELPED me to be like what I am now....

maybe for some it is a small issue but for me deleting a friend that u know personally from ur friend list in any social network is the biggest humiliation to sumone u called friend. esp after all the betrayal, lies and hurts u did to that person which he/she have right to do the same to you but he/she never did that to you. again I just writing it down juz to share human attitude nowadays....no matter what u did to me...i will never give up on u...coz I never give up on things that I want so much....so it is not the end yet but a new start of a new game......


the reason that person did that is because what I posted in my social network wall....it is juz a few word of wisdom, life quotes and inspiring words that i love to read and would like to share with all my friends....i wonder if sumone who are much younger, less educated than u urself can take it as inspiring and life changing...why cant u be the same?  i know u'll say not everybody have the same wavelength but in order to achieve perfection in life, always take the good part of others and incorporate it into u urself....that is how we learn about life.....and how we build our life... maybe to that person am juz plain normal guy with nothing to offer and to appreciate. thx for that kind judgement....coz i know I am special in my own way....am always special.......and u will never ever change that....


let me quote a token of appreciation sent by friends becoz of my wall postings....

Epal Ijau

• tauu sbb tu sy ckp klu kump semua post awk leh wat buku. somehow it really inspired me 
  
  
  thx Epal Ijau....:)
  
  

these few weeks i had great moments..enjoyed my life to almost the max even though am not as healthy as before. things happen for a reason and i take what ever happens to me as another step for me to be better person. 


life will be really hectic after this...office jobs, tutoring, time for me family, time for my students, time for my friends, and time for myself....alhamdulillah.....what ever YOU did has make me better, know my limits in making friends, and the most important of all....know how to make friends....


that all i think for now....will update again later....going to take lunch, settling my medical bill prob, and later in the afternoon will have 3 hours of tutoring....


salam sayang dari aku utk semua teman2.....

what a bad day

sigh.....

i suppose to start work today but sadly i slipped when trying to go down my flat's staircase...like what happened before, i can't feel my left feet at that point of time....

ask a frenz favor to take me to hosp and been instructed to rest for few days. did call my BFF @ my specialist and he asked me to see him but fr now am not going. i know i'll be warded as usual and have to listen to his so called love speech.....*sigh again

what a day.....

kesakitan yg tak tertanggung...

sehari dua ni aku rs badan aku lemah sgt2...
esp left side of my body....nak kata penat aku xder bt per pun....cuma raya tu agak cbuk la ke sana sini...
tp aku dh dpt rehat cukup..medication pun aku ada amik....juz mcm xder perubahan....
org xkn dpt tgk aku in pain sb aku tpksa sorokkan dr sumer org bnd ni...xnk org risau lebih....
nt lain plak yg jadi....

aku kne survive utk DIA yg aku syg....
aku kne survive utk family aku
aku kne survive utk student2 aku
aku kne survive utk sahabat2 aku
aku kne survive utk impian aku


tapi aku tatau brapa lama lagi aku boleh tahan sumer ni....

tolonglah Ya Allah, aku memohon kepada Mu kurangkanlah deritaku....
terlalu byk yg harus aku perbuat skrg.....
aku punya masa depan yg perlu aku bina demi org2 yg aku sebut tadi....

Cinta hadir lagi tapi.........

Adakah benar seorang manusia bisa hidup tanpa cinta? Disini yg aku maksudkan adalah cinta kepada kekasih.

Aku pernah menolak cinta dari hadir dlm diriku. selepas apa yg terjadi sebelum ini, aku fobia utk menyayangi lg. ada org sering mengatakan aku tidak memahami apa yg dia pernah lalui tp pernah dia duduk ditpt aku dan melalui apa yg aku lalui?

aku lebih rela dirodok dgn pedang, dikelar hidup2 tetapi aku tak rela hati aku disakiti lagi dan lagi dan lagi. apabila matinya perasaan, itulah saat paling merugikan dlm hidup manusia.

kenapa aku menjadi manusia yg sukat utk mempercayai?

cinta pertamaku musnah dek kerana kecurangan dia bersama org yg mempertemukan kami di saat aku bekerja mencari rezeki.

cinta keduaku musnah dek kerana kealpaan si dia dgn kehidupan di kota raya

cinta ketiga ku musnah dek kerana kegoan si dia yg sering mempertahankan apa yg dia buat betul smpkan disahkan dijangkiti STD.

kemudian aku cuba untuk menerima cintta tp semuanya dimusnakah dgn penipuan dan kecurangan. kenapa bila mencinta mesti ada dusta?

aku sendiri skrg brperang dgn diriku untuk belaja mempercayai semula hinggakan aku jd tertekan. aku hilang kawalan diri kerana pergolakan dlm diri aku. tp aku pasti itu xder siapapun yg tahu. setiap hari saat aku buka mata, aku mahu mempercayai. aku mahu meyakini. tetapi aku cuma manusia biasa yg bisa kalah sebentar dlm perjuanganku dan aku tak pernah penat utk bgn kembali. tak pernah.

sekarang aku kembali menemukan cinta. cinta yg benar2 suci dr seseorg yg tulus hatinya. seseorg yg tak pernah malu menyatakan isi hatinya saban hari. aku bahagia. dan yg menjadi halangan ada kepercayaan. aku pernah percaya padanya. smpkan ada yg mengatakan aku terlalu bodoh utk percaya tp aku pertahankan diriku dan dia demi masa depan kami.

kemudian sesuatu terjadi yg meruntuhkan tembok kepercayaan itu. dia dah minta maaf. dia dah nyesal dgn apa yg dia bt. aku terlalu ingn mempercayainya. percayalah. tp peperangan dlm diri terlalu hebat. 1/2 dr diriku mengatakan percayailah dia kerana dia benar2 ikhals menyayangiku. 1/2 lg dariku mengatakan aku terlalu bodoh utk terus mempercayai. aku jd keliru. aku jadi kusut. aku hilang pertimbangan. aku seolah2 hilang segalanya dalam hidup.

aku cuma minta sedikit masa utk aku terima perubahan besar dlm hidup aku ni. 3 thn aku hidup tanpa perlu memikirkan hati org lain. aku boleh bt apa aku nak, aku boleh kata apa aku nk tp skng semua dah berubah. aku pun inginkan kebahagiaan mcm pasangan lain.

Nairulhizam Bin Mohamed Yunus,
ko bkn manusia lemah. ko bkn manusia yg mengalah pada keadaan. ko pernah jatuh tp bgn kembali ke tahap yg lebih tingi. kemudian ko jatuh kembali tapi setiap kali ko jatuh ko bgn dgn bangga dan menjadi lebih baik dr sblmnya.
skrg ko harus menang peperangan dlm diri ko utk kebahagiaan ko kelak. ko jgn tewas dgn diri ko. ko seorang pejuang yg terus bertahan demi masa depan ko sendiri.
ko adalah yg terbaik. ko selalu kata mcm tuh kan. ko jauh lbh baik dr org lain terutama yg pernah mempermainkan ko. pegang pd kata2 tuh sbb mmg dah terbukti ko adalah terbaik.